Santa's Little Helper

Santa's Little Helper 


   Its not far fetched to say that The Simpsons is an American staple and foundation in modern television programming at its core. As it's now going on 31 seasons and counting, its the epitome and the gold standard of unbridled success not just in American television but in worldwide entertainment period. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Mr. Burns, and so on.. is such an iconic show and benchmark so bravo and kudos to Matt Groening and company for a job well done! But beyond the stars you have an incredible other-worldly supporting cast like Sideshow Bob, Apu, Ned Flanders, Millhouse, Moe, Krusty The Clown, Patty, and the likes.. but what about the pets of the show most notably Santa's Little Helper and his cohort Snowball the cat? And much love goes out to Snowball who's actual name is Teresa Furball but she was very difficult to get a hold of and is an extremely private feline who basically spends time with her handler and siblings- maybe next time she'll surface and come up for air for an interview.. But Santa's Little Helper- 'SLH' for short, who's real name is Sparky in real life, was more than eager to sit down with me and my bud Jose The Pangolin, who has a very popular podcast called "Wuhan's Most Wanted(WMW)" for a brief one on one interview.

   Now keep in mind that The Simpsons is on its 31st season and is aired in over 200 countries so were not just talking about any ole backyard tied to the fence mutt here. Yes he's not the Mike Jordan of dog actors and probably not even in the top ten of canine thespians but rest assured he could very well be the "Bill Gates or Warren Buffet" of not just dog actors mind you but for the entire animal race hands down. Even a large percentage of humans have to kneel and fetch to his accomplishments and wealth. I know that most of those tales that I recite to you guys are usually animal actors that are in dire straights and not on the up and up but with Santa's Little Helper were talking about a four legged beast that has his own private jet, private island, multiple properties, businesses, and not to mention a venture capital firm. Impressive to say the least. This dog defintely wags his tale with grace and swagger. He sat down with me and Jose over a nice meal, a few bottles of wine, and some shots of tequila one fine evening at Ysabel in West Hollywood and here's how it went..


Jose: Thanks for sitting down with us. Tell me, what do you prefer to be called.. Santa's Little Helper or by your real name which is Sparky?


SLH: Just call me Santa.. that works for me.


Jose: Cool. Very cool! So Santa, how did it go when you first auditioned for The Simpsons which was over three decades ago?


SLH: It went well. Ya know there wasn't too much competition to be honest. Looking back on it now, not a lot of dogs came out for the audition shockingly. Bare in mind Fox was kind of a new network at that time and was on extremely uneasy footing. This is before they even had the NFL on Sunday's so there wasn't much hype for an animated series in development over there. Mr. Peabody from Rocky & Bullwinkle was rumored to be the guy for the role, and it was basically his if he wanted it, but SLH is more of a visual role- there's was any speaking parts for the dog whatsoever and to be truthful Mr. Peabody is really really highbrow and an intellectual type.. and if I recall correctly I heard him tell Matt, the producers, and Fox that the role was beneath him. So yeah I kinda lucked in and got the gig by default. Not saying I didn't earn and work for it 'cause I was damn near homeless going from doghouse to animal shelters doing Off- Broadway and minor throwaway roles for nearly eight years prior to landing the role on The Simpsons.


Jose: Wow, interesting indeed. Little did anyone know..


SLH: Exactly.


Hollywood E: What's Homer, Bart, Marge, and company like off the set when the cameras stop rolling?


SLH: They're petty much all cool, down to earth, and really good humans beings. Homer actually is a health and fitness nut but because of the roll he has to eat a ton shit and drink alcohol nonstop just to keep up the weight up. If he's not on the The Simpsons he's probably looking like a bald Michael Phelps- the Olympic gold medalist swimmer. Bart is cool. Always petting me on the head constantly and throwing me toys to chew on which I like. He had a little bit of a drinking problem around season 12 because he felt his character wasn't growing nor was he physically but he's a good guy. Marge desperately wants to expand her roles that's for sure. The hair and the voice, which is not her true voice in real life, has her handcuffed for other roles and opportunities to say the least so she has her venting periods here and there. I like Lisa alot.. matter of fact we're real close- me and Lisa. Off camera she's also a lot like the character that's on screen- a musical genius that's checking everyone and questioning or going against the flow in almost everything like the plots, script changes, the soundtrack, guest appearances, etc. People complain about her character but trust me the show would be nowhere where it is for today for thirty plus seasons without her. She literally goes over ever joke and gag to see whether it'll translate on the screen or not. As for people I don't like... I will say that Lenny and Chief Wiggum are pieces of shit though. There's always non stop drama when those two are on the set. Fuck them!


Jose: Off camera you have numerous ventures, businesses, and charities happening.. most notably the venture capital firm 'Man's Best Friend'. How's that going?


SLH: Its going great! We're on that path to great and amazing things! Recently we just helped fund a few start ups in tech, pet care, and nutrition. But I really want people to be on the look out for a company we're getting behind called "Rover til Infinity" which is basically a plant based dog and cat food company similar to what Beyond Meat is for our two legged brethren.


Hollywood E: Wow that's dope! They got anything for us elephants and pangolins?


SLH: I'm sure its coming down the pipeline. We just gotta get this initial phase in the books first!


Hollywood E: Cool.. Sounds good! One thing I've been dying to know about you.. Is this level of success a big shock to you or did you always know that you were destined for greatness?


SLH: I knew. I'm from a really humble background. I'm the tenth one born out of a litter of fifteen in Buffalo, NY. I never knew my dad but one of my brothers, Ben, thinks he was that flea ridden stray that lingered in the neighborhood four blocks away from us but we never perused the issue.. What was the point. But yeah back then we didn't have a home and mom struggle to put food in our mouths so yeah I grew up with a chip on my shoulder along with a hard hat mentality. Those nights with no scraps of food still linger inside my head to this very day. I remember it vividly. I'm the poster-canine for pulling oneself up from their bootstraps and making something of themselves. And I well aware that I don't have any lines in the episodes and there's entire weeks where I'm not even on the screen for Chr*t's sake but I still go into each shoot like its my very last. I'm going to bark that bark or release those puppy eyes like my life depends on it! So yeah I knew.. I was going to be "that dog" no matter what it took!


Hollywood E: Powerful! Words to live by.


Jose: Yes Santa, thank you for that. Good stuff indeed. And I must say that we definitely see the passion in your work on every episode and there's no denying that. So what's next for you? You pretty much are set in life and have everything that one can think of.. any passion projects, businesses, or something you want to share with us coming up in the near future?


SLH: Just keep be on the lookout for more episodes of The Simpsons and our plant based company
'Rover til Infinity'. I got other things in the works like maybe a streaming service for animals but I'll leave it at that for now. LOL.


Jose: Wow, incredible! You're on a roll and I'm not talking hot dogs..or maybe I am. Lol.


Hollywood: He's definitely a 'hot dog' right now. Thee 'Hot Dog'! Appreciate it Santa.


Jose: We'll definitely be on the lookout for those projects you mentioned and others. Well we know you're on the move constantly and we are ecstatic that you took time out of your busy tight schedule to sit down with me and Hollywood E this evening. We're going to do one more shot of Agave Tequila before we leave and I just want to say from the bottom of our hearts we are beyond grateful and you are an incredible inspiration and role model for the entire animal kingdom. This was so informative. Thank you Santa and here's to you and thirty more seasons of The Simpsons!


SLH: The pleasure was all mine.. Anytime guys. Thanks!



Hollywood Elephant